Blog
How Grace Changes Everything In Your Marriage
- December 9, 2022
- Posted by: Marcel Sanchez
- Category: Building a Healthy Marriage Marriage Training
After years of unrealistic expectations and emotional pain, Maria was done.
She was beyond frustrated and ready to quit on her marriage.
Maria tried confronting these difficult issues directly with her spouse—it didn’t work.
She tried reasoning with her husband—that didn’t work either.
She suggested working with a counselor—her husband wasn’t interested.
Maria decided to ignore the pain, but the pain was too great.
She desired to change her marriage, but she was stuck on what to do next.
And that’s when Maria spoke with a marriage coach, and everything changed.
Maria was challenged to apply one word in every area of her marriage.
What was this powerful word? Grace!
And through a steady application of grace, over time, her relationship changed from suffering to success, from discouraging to hopeful, and from declining to thriving.
Grace Changes EVERYTHING!
Think for a moment about the basics of the Christian faith.
All of it flows from God’s grace to you and to your spouse.
To be clear, grace is God’s unmerited favor in your life.
As someone once said, “Grace is God giving you what you do not deserve.”
God sent His son—Jesus—to this earth as an act of love and grace.
God redeemed you through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus—an act of grace.
You are saved—made right with God—by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.
You mature in your faith by God’s grace.
You are sustained in your faith by God’s grace.
You have the hope of God’s eternal presence and blessings by God’s grace.
Grace really does change everything.
And for this reason, God expects you to practice grace in your marriage.
Grace should guide everything in your relationship with your spouse.
Grace should guide how you think about your spouse.
Grace should guide what you believe about your spouse.
Grace should guide what you do for your spouse.
Grace should guide how you serve your spouse.
Grace should guide how you protect and defend your spouse.
Grace should guide how you love and respect your spouse.
Grace should guide how you enjoy your spouse.
Grace should guide how you speak about your spouse.
Grace should guide how you speak with your spouse.
Grace should guide how you build up your spouse.
Grace should guide how you wait for your spouse.
Grace should guide how you make time for your spouse.
Grace should guide how you forgive your spouse.
Grace should guide everything in your marriage!
Grace Changes How You Speak With Your Spouse
Stop for a moment and consider all the riches you’ve gained in Christ Jesus.
It’s all because of God’s grace. All of it!
You deserve none of it and neither do I.
But God graciously gave you His Son—the only substitute for your sins—because of His immeasurable love, mercy, and kindness.
Never forget that!
Every time you speak with your spouse, they should receive a generous measure of grace by what they hear you say.
Since you have freely received God’s grace, give it freely to your spouse.
Don’t leverage grace to get what you want in your relationship.
Leverage grace to bring out the very best in your spouse.
Notice how words of grace are described as we consider a few translations:
“That it may give grace to those who hear.” (ESV)
“That it may benefit those who listen.” (NIV)
“So that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (NLT)
Grace always benefits your spouse by what they hear, feel, and see.
Your words should stimulate pleasant sounds in their ears.
Your words should stimulate confidence in their mind and encouragement in their heart.
We don’t always think of pleasure in this context, but when you speak with your spouse, your words should bring a generous measure of pleasure to their soul.
The result of hearing you speak should drip with inspiration, laughter, kindness, and encouragement.
At this point you might be thinking, “Marcel, that’s a ton of work. I’m not sure I have the capacity to do this consistently.”
And you’re totally right—you don’t, and you won’t—but the Holy Spirit can; He does His special work through you as you depend more on Him each day.
God gives you the grace you need to grow your marriage.
God’s grace is what sustains your marriage as you depend on His Spirit.
God’s Spirit teaches you how to speak with grace in your relationship.
When you don’t practice grace in your marriage conversations, it’s too easy for “corrupt talk” to gain a foothold.
And when this happens, it breaks God’s heart and hurts your walk with Christ.
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
Since God’s grace changes how you speak with your spouse, consider the following application to your daily relationship:
Filter your thoughts through the eight characteristics of Philippians 4:8
Thank your spouse for how they love and respect you
Thank your spouse for what they do for you to serve you
Point out something in their character that you admire and cherish
Remind them what they’re exceptional at in the presence of others
Tell them what they do that delights your soul
Remind them how they bring out the best in you
Encourage them to pursue the things that they enjoy the most
Tell them how they make you feel proud to be their spouse
Without question, you can’t do this consistently without God’s help.
Personal Application
Stop for a minute and ask God to guide you as He gives you the words of grace to speak with your spouse.
Ask Him to help you be more consistent in this area.
And thank God for His abounding grace in your life.
Coach Marcel
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