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How to Stimulate Affection In Your Marriage Through Humility
- December 3, 2022
- Posted by: Marcel Sanchez
- Category: Building a Healthy Marriage Marriage Training
She was shocked, not moving a muscle or speaking a single word.
It felt like time had stood still for minutes, but it was only about five seconds.
I had just arrived—from Miami, Florida—and knocked on her door—in Havana, Cuba.
In a loud voice, I said, “Miriam, it’s your nephew, Marcel.”
Miriam opened her door, stopped abruptly, and fixed her eyes on my face.
Silence filled the air.
It was too much for her mind to process so quickly.
Next came joy, laughter, and exceptional Cuban hospitality.
We hugged one another tightly, kissed on the cheek, and cherished the next few hours in conversation over coffee and snacks.
Like every Cuban family member, she kept giving me more food, more juice, more coffee, and more affection.
I think she would have insisted to buy a fat cow—or a chubby pig—and prepare a great feast if we had more time.
She introduced me to other family members and called them to come over.
It was an impromptu party being celebrated on the front porch of her home.
That Monday afternoon would be a day I would never forget.
In only a few hours that warm afternoon, my aunt Miriam practiced genuine affection and left a permanent mark on my heart.
Seeing my aunt in Cuba reminds me of the importance of practicing affection in our relationships, and especially in our marriage.
Principles of Relational Sustainability
As we’ve done before, let’s read our key passage of scripture.
If you’re with your spouse, I encourage each of you read the passage out loud.
Philippians 2:1-2, CSB
If, then, there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love,
if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy,
make my joy complete by thinking the same way,
having the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
There are two dictionaries that provide us with a starting point in our understanding of the word affection.
“A feeling of liking and caring for someone or something; tender attachment; fondness.” (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/affection)
“Fond attachment, devotion, or love.” (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/affection)
Affection is First Inward
The affection spoken about in this passage goes deeper.
Before affection is expressed outwardly, it is first created inwardly.
What exactly do I mean by this?
The Greek word for affection—splanchnon—is mentioned eight times.
It speaks of your bowels or intestines, the inward you.
The bowels were regarded as the seat of the more violent passions, such as anger and love; but by the Hebrews as the seat of the tenderer affections, esp. kindness, benevolence, compassion; hence our heart (tender mercies, affections, etc.). A heart in which mercy resides.[1]
The idea here is that affection is released from the very core of who you are.
This is what the Greeks believed: Affection comes from your gut.
Affection is not a casual, light-hearted feeling, it is so much more meaningful.
Affection affects all of you—body, mind, emotions, and spirit—not just a part of you.
As you can see, your affections are no small matter to ignore.
Your affections affect you and your spouse every day.
You can’t control how you initially feel about something or someone.
All of us have had mistaken feelings and emotions at one time or another.
But you can control how you practice your affections.
You can be deliberate in being affectionate with your spouse.
More on that shortly.
The point here is that your internal affections influence your external affections.
They always have and they always will.
And with the Holy Spirit, you can practice godly affections with your spouse in a way that communicates love, appreciation, tenderness, and compassion.
Once again, let’s look at what people are searching for in today’s world.
What are People Searching For?
Since YouTube is a premier search engine, what are people typing into YouTube’s search bar every day?
Here are the top searches that have to do with affection and marriage:
Marriage affection
No affection in marriage
Affectionless marriage
Marriage without emotional intimacy
How to get more affection in your relationship
How to have more affection in your marriage
How to be affectionate to your wife
How to be affectionate to my wife
How to be affectionate to your husband
When your husband is not affectionate
How to be more loving to your partner
How to get your wife to be more affectionate
What is emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy for couples
How to show more affection in your marriage
Here’s the point from all these searches: Husbands and wives want to experience more affection in their marriage.
Moreover, they’re both willing to learn from others to get there.
Personal Application
Are you and your spouse both willing to continue learning?
As you reflect on the level of affection experienced in your marriage today, what would you type into YouTube’s search bar?
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