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Marriage Skills: The 3 Cs of Transformation
- June 14, 2023
- Posted by: Marcel Sanchez
- Category: Building a Healthy Marriage Marriage Training Relationships
Is there a formula to build a successful marriage? There are long formulas to solve difficult mathematical equations and complex code used to build amazing software, but what about your marriage? Is there really a proven method that you and your spouse can apply to deliberately grow your marriage and build the life of your dreams? The short, but astounding answer to this question is YES!
For more than thirty years, I’ve had the privilege of speaking at marriage conferences, marriage retreats, small group gatherings, and marriage seminars. I’ve created several online marriage courses and served many couples through private and group marriage coaching sessions.
This has been one of the great joys of my life as I’ve had many opportunities to serve married professionals. Whether someone needs to hire a marriage conference speaker or hire a marriage workshop speaker, all of it brings great delight to my soul.
Unfortunately, what I have consistently found to be lacking in many marriages today (this includes faith-based married professionals and non religious married professionals) are the essential marriage skills required to realize relational sustainability, increasing fulfillment, along with greater impact on the lives of others.
Moreover, these same married couples lack clear direction for their marriage relationship. They find themselves increasing in personal frustration and relational challenges with their spouse.
You can hear many of them complain and ask…
“How can we find hope for our marriage relationship?”
“How can we make our marriage better, faster?”
“How can we revive our marriage relationship and find greater joy?”
“How can we find happiness in our marriage again?”
“What are the secrets to a growing marriage?”
“What is the formula to build a successful marriage?”
“How do we stop divorce from becoming an option for the future of our marriage?”
“How can we stop fighting in our marriage relationship?”
“How can we prioritize our marriage more effectively?”
“What can we do to increase relational intimacy in our marriage?”
“What can we do to increase sexual intimacy in our marriage?”
“How can we protect our marriage from an affair?”
“How can we forgive one another in our marriage”?
“How can our marriage survive an affair?”
“How can our marriage overcome an affair?”
“How can our marriage survive difficulties?”
“What are the keys to loving your spouse?”
“What are the keys to respecting your spouse?”
“How can you comfort your spouse through the death of a family member?”
“How can you help your spouse work through depression and anxiety?”
Your marriage is extremely important.
It’s not that married couples don’t want to develop essential marriage skills to build a better relationship. The problem is that many couples don’t know where to go or how to get started.
Your marriage is extremely important. And if I took a wild guess, you and your spouse already know this fact to be true. Your marriage has an enormous capacity to build a new generational legacy or abruptly stop it from making any progress.Â
And since your marriage has such amazing potential for good—both today and beyond your lifetime—it’s absolutely worth your time, energy, and resources to develop new marriage skills and make your marriage better than ever before.
Isn’t that what you and your spouse want for your marriage? You got married to experience a great marriage, but it takes work.
Before we get too far, let’s first define what I mean by Marriage Skills.
Marriage Skills are extraordinary commitments to continuously practice spiritual character in your marriage. They consist of godly attitudes, words, plans, and actions that create habits of relational health for your marriage to thrive.
This is the essence of what I mean when I use the term. Throughout this study, my goal is to encourage you and your spouse in your marriage.Â
How do I plan to accomplish this relationally ambitious goal?Â
It starts with The 3 Cs of Transformation. This is my formula for success in your marriage. I tell married couples that every growing marriage needs a commitment, a coach, and a course of action.Â
Your marriage can get better, faster. It won’t happen automatically—it never does—but it can get better when both of you are intentional about growing your relationship and changing your character. Are you ready to make your marriage better?
I will serve as your coach throughout our journey together as I post additional articles in the near future. I do have to warn you before we get started. Some of the things I write will make you feel uncomfortable at one point or another. Â
Don’t immediately dismiss what you read when your feelings conflict with your soul. You will notice specific references to the Bible. This is intentional.
God created marriage and wrote the manual for you and your spouse to follow. Following His plan for your marriage brings immeasurable satisfaction, purpose, and joy.
Every growing marriage needs a commitment, a coach, and a course of action.
Here’s one key reality about your marriage. Only God can change you and change your spouse. As you both read the following scripture references in the weeks ahead, God’s Word will convict you in key areas of your character. Embrace it fully as you learn to build new marriage skills, make changes, and transform your relationship.
The 3 Cs of Transformation
1. Commitment: –Â “We will set clear, godly goals for our marriage and commit to doing whatever work is required to get there.”
“We will not quit” is at the heart of your promise. This kind of relational tenacity is where you start to experience transformation in your marriage. Together, we choose to persevere through every obstacle we face. Commitment says, “We will not make excuses. We will intentionally follow through on every commitment to get us to where our marriage needs to be.”
2. Coach – “We will invest in marriage coaching. We will commit time, focus, energy, and finances to get better faster.”
Both you and your spouse must agree to get marriage coaching and accept where you are as a couple today, but not forever. “We will be honest about our recurring challenges and what stops us from getting to where God wants us to be in life. We will admit that we don’t have all the answers to the challenges we’re facing in our marriage relationship.”
“We will choose to humble ourselves and listen to someone more experienced to guide us through the process of reconciliation and/or rebuilding our marriage.”
“We accept where we are and we commit to follow a proven plan to lead us from where we are to where we want to be in our marriage relationship. We understand that we are the ones responsible for building our marriage through intentional action steps as we apply godly character qualities in our marriage.”
3. Course of Action – “We will be action-oriented students in our response to change, even when it’s not our preference.”
First, you make a bold commitment to God and to one another to stay together until God separates you through death. Second, you hire a professional marriage coach to serve as your guide to building a better marriage. And third, you begin a proven course of action to help you identify relational character issues needing attention while working on a measurable plan of action as a sustainable pace for your marriage and family.
And in this course of action, both you and your spouse commit and say, “We will complete all assigned training. We will make every change needed to intentionally move our marriage forward. We will go above and beyond what’s expected from us to make our marriage thrive and move forward.”
As you and your spouse learn new marriage skills and give more time, focus, and energy to create better habits for your marriage, your relationship will get better, faster.Â
Your spouse is immeasurable, invaluable, priceless, and irreplaceable; they’re worth every investment of time, energy, planning, focus, and all other resources that you have available to direct, protect, and grow your marriage.
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