Blog
How Strive For Oneness In Your Marriage
- January 21, 2023
- Posted by: Marcel Sanchez
- Category: Building a Healthy Marriage Marriage Training Relationships
Have you ever wondered why some sports teams—having the top players in their league—fall short of winning the championship every year?
These teams have some the highest paid players in the entire league.
They get more coverage from sports networks and the media in general.
The team’s star players break league records weekly.
Although they’re often the source of disunity among their team members, this character problem gets ignored because of their amazing skills.
Their exceptional performance evokes their fans to cheer with great hope.
Their fans don’t worry too much about all the infighting.
So, how does their team fail to win the big game year after year?
Why does it seem like there’s always something missing from the championship equation?
There’s always some missing piece to the championship puzzle that they can’t figure out.
The problem is a great mystery to everyone.
There’s really a very simple answer to this mystery.
A lack of oneness is the answer that escapes us.
It’s the root cause behind the destruction of teams, marriages, and families.
Let’s circle back to the key passage we’ve used throughout our study to further explore this important principle.
Philippians 2:1-2, CSB
If, then, there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love,
if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy,
make my joy complete by thinking the same way,
having the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
The Philippian church was not a top-talented football team, but a chosen spiritual family of believers in Christ Jesus to carry out God’s eternal purposes.
Oneness—often called unity—is essential for a church to thrive spiritually.
Oneness serves to measure the health of a local church.
It will influence how many lives are changed and the level of spiritual intimacy experienced by the local church body.
Oneness also a key factor required for your marriage to change and thrive.
It points to the health of your relationship; it influences your eternal impact as a couple in the lives of others.
The measure of oneness in your marriage will directly affect your spiritual, relational, and physical intimacy as a couple.
This is not an area to remain passive about. You must purposely work at it.
Four Keys to Oneness With Your Spouse
Notice four areas addressed by Paul that would make his joy complete.
1. “By thinking the same way”
2. “Having the same love”
3. “United in spirit”
4. “Intent on one purpose”
Let’s carefully review each one to better understand how it applies in our lives as believers and in our married life as well.
“By thinking the same way”
As we’ve implied in prior sections, oneness starts in your mind.
It doesn’t mean that you and your spouse think the same thoughts about every perspective, decision, or detail in life.
That’s impossible. What we’re referring to is something very different.
In our church, we have a phrase that we use often, “Together is better.”
It reminds us about the priority of working together—in oneness—to better honor Christ, serve one another, and impact our community.
Likewise, in your marriage, oneness must be a top priority.
Your marriage will honor Christ, serve others—starting with your spouse—and impact those around you, when you work on unity and oneness.
I know what you might be thinking at this point, “But Marcel, thinking the same way is not easy”, and you’re 100% correct on that point.
But when does anything good in life come easy or automatically?
It doesn’t. Working together and oneness of mind is never automatic.
It takes effort, energy, and patience in your marriage relationship.
Notice how different translations help us add more color to our study.
“Complete my joy by being of the same mind” (ESV)
“Then make my joy complete by being like-minded” (NIV)
“Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other” (NLT)
In the book of Romans, Paul speaks to this same idea of oneness as believers relate to one another.
Romans 12:16, CSB
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
Imagine the complexity of the church as it launched in the first century.
It was a collection of tax collectors, religious zealots, synagogue rulers, barbarians, Greek intellectuals, shepherds, government leaders, and more.
How in the world did all these people get along?
Jesus redeemed them and the Holy Spirit united them as one family in Christ.
And although those two things are magnificent, they still had to be intentional about working together in harmony and building unity among all.
The same applies in your marriage relationship.
If both you and your spouse are believers in Christ, God has accepted you and transformed you through the power of the Holy Spirit.
But that’s not a free ticket to oneness in your marriage.
You must work at understanding your spouse and building agreements in your marriage relationship.
More on that shortly.
Let’s be more specific about what we mean by oneness to make sure we’re clear on the matter.
Oneness is having the mind of Christ to work together in spiritual alignment and relational harmony to accomplish God’s purposes.
Oneness means you think of yourself less and more of others.
It means you drop your personal preferences for the benefit of others.
It implies that you think through decisions and plans biblically, not culturally.
Oneness means you maintain a disposition to listen, adjust, serve, and give.
Oneness is a willingness to do whatever it takes to align with God’s will.
These things apply to believers in church, and they apply in your marriage.
Your willingness to practice these things consistently in your marriage points to the spiritual reality of your heart.
Conversely, your unwillingness to practice these things regularly reveals the sinful character of your heart as well.
You might say, “But Marcel, I’ve tried this before and it didn’t work very well.”
I get that, but marriage is a lifetime commitment not a short sprint.
This takes considerable work, time, and energy.
But if your heart is not submitted to Christ and to your spouse, it won’t work.
Are you willing to humble yourself repeatedly in your marriage?
Are you willing to view your relationship through a biblical lens?
Let’s return to the idea of searching on YouTube for popular searches.
How to become one with my spouse
How to become one with my husband
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How to become one in your marriage relationship
How to develop oneness with my spouse
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How to develop oneness with my wife
How to develop oneness with my partner
How to develop oneness in your marriage relationship
How to build agreements with my spouse
How to build agreements with my husband
How to build agreements with my wife
How to build agreements with my partner
How to build agreements in your marriage relationship
How to develop unity with my spouse
How to develop unity with my husband
How to develop unity with my wife
How to develop unity with my partner
How to develop unity in your marriage relationship
Personal Application
Consider the following application questions.
1. Do you consider the mind of Christ as you work in harmony with others, including your spouse?
2. Do you think of yourself less and think more of others?
3. Do you drop personal preferences for the benefit of others, including your spouse?
4. Do you think through decisions and plans biblically, not culturally or preferentially, in your marriage?
5. Do you maintain a disposition to listen, adjust, serve, and give?
6. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to align with God’s will in your life and in your marriage?
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